The Kaiser's Talk to Hell

       Kaiser Wilhelm II was the leader of Germany prior to and during the war. The following is a poem found among the WWI letters belonging to my family. A Google search showed that it was printed in a newspaper in 1918. It must have been copied and saved by either Jessie or Mildred, her daughter. I'm not sure why whoever copied it down thought it was so important, but they took the time to type it out and save it. Now 100 years later, I'm discovering and appreciating it's historical significance. The original text of the poem was found on the Somme battlefield in 1916 by Ernest Plaine, but the author is unknown. Whoever the author was, they clearly despised the Kaiser. The idea that the Kaiser and Satan were in league together shows a strong hatred on the part of the writer. As the poem goes on though, you can feel the shift from anger and hatred to pride in the American soldier and the sense justice they were fighting with. Studying things like this helps historians understand the mindset of those living at that time. Please read the poem below and notice the strong emotions it congers up. Note: I prefer to read poetry aloud. It helps me grasp the flow and sound the author intended.

The Kaiser called the Devil up
On the telephone one day,
The girl at central listened
To all they had to say.

"Hello," she heard the Kaiser say, 
"Is old man Satan home?" 
"Just tell him it is Kaiser Bill
That wants him at the phone." 

The Devil said, "Hello," to Bill,
And said, "How are you?"
"I'm running a hell here on earth,
Now tell me what to do."

"What can I do?" the Devil said, 
"My dear old Kaiser Bill,
If there's a thing that I can do, 
To help you sure I will." 

The Kaiser said, "Now listen,
And I will try to tell, 
The way that I am running
On earth, a modern hell." 

"I've saved for this for many years,
And I've started out to kill,
That it will be a modern job
You leave to Kaiser Bill." 

"My army went through Belgium
Shooting women and children down.
We tore up all her country,
And blowed up every town." 

My Zepps dropped bombs on cities
Killing both the old and young. 
And those the Zeppelins didn't get
Were taken out and hung.

I started out for Paris, 
With the aid of poisonous gas:
The Belgians, darn them, stopped us
And would not let us pass.

My submarines are devils, 
Why don't you see them fight? 
They go sneaking through the sea
And would sink a ship on sight.

I was running things to suit me,
Until a year or so ago,
A man called Woodrow Wilson
Wrote me to go slow.

He says to me, 'Dear Wilhelm, 
We don't want to make you sore,
So be sure and tell your u-boats
To sink our ships no more.

We have told you for the last time,
So, dear Bill is's up to you, 
And if you do not stop it, 
You'll have to fight us too.'

I did not listen to him,
And he's coming after me, 
With a million Yankee soldiers,
From their homes across the sea.

Now that's why I called you, Satan, 
For now I want advice from you. 
I know that you will tell me, 
Just what I ought to do." 

"My deal old Kaiser Wilhelm,
That's not much for me to tell, 
For the Yanks will make it hotter
Than I ever could in Hell.

I've been a mean old Devil, 
But not half as mean as you,
And the minute that you get here,
I'll give the job to you.

I'll be ready for your coming,
And I'll keep the fires all bright,
And I'll make your room all ready
When the Yankees start to fight.

For the boys in tan will get you,
I have nothing more to tell;
Hang up the phone and get your hat,
​And meet me here in Hell."