Edy Gies
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Jane of all Trades

master of none

The Kaiser's Talk to Hell

10/22/2018

7 Comments

 
       Kaiser Wilhelm II was the leader of Germany prior to and during the war. The following is a poem found among the WWI letters belonging to my family. A Google search showed that it was printed in a newspaper in 1918. It must have been copied and saved by either Jessie or Mildred, her daughter. I'm not sure why whoever copied it down thought it was so important, but they took the time to type it out and save it. Now 100 years later, I'm discovering and appreciating it's historical significance. The original text of the poem was found on the Somme battlefield in 1916 by Ernest Plaine, but the author is unknown. Whoever the author was, they clearly despised the Kaiser. The idea that the Kaiser and Satan were in league together shows a strong hatred on the part of the writer. As the poem goes on though, you can feel the shift from anger and hatred to pride in the American soldier and the sense justice they were fighting with. Studying things like this helps historians understand the mindset of those living at that time. Please read the poem below and notice the strong emotions it congers up. Note: I prefer to read poetry aloud. It helps me grasp the flow and sound the author intended.
The Kaiser called the Devil up
On the telephone one day,
The girl at central listened
To all they had to say.

"Hello," she heard the Kaiser say, 
"Is old man Satan home?" 
"Just tell him it is Kaiser Bill
That wants him at the phone." 

The Devil said, "Hello," to Bill,
And said, "How are you?"
"I'm running a hell here on earth,
Now tell me what to do."

"What can I do?" the Devil said, 
"My dear old Kaiser Bill,
If there's a thing that I can do, 
To help you sure I will." 

The Kaiser said, "Now listen,
And I will try to tell, 
The way that I am running
On earth, a modern hell." 

"I've saved for this for many years,
And I've started out to kill,
That it will be a modern job
You leave to Kaiser Bill." 

"My army went through Belgium
Shooting women and children down.
We tore up all her country,
And blowed up every town." 

My Zepps dropped bombs on cities
Killing both the old and young. 
And those the Zeppelins didn't get
Were taken out and hung.

I started out for Paris, 
With the aid of poisonous gas:
The Belgians, darn them, stopped us
And would not let us pass.

My submarines are devils, 
Why don't you see them fight? 
They go sneaking through the sea
And would sink a ship on sight.

I was running things to suit me,
Until a year or so ago,
A man called Woodrow Wilson
Wrote me to go slow.

He says to me, 'Dear Wilhelm, 
We don't want to make you sore,
So be sure and tell your u-boats
To sink our ships no more.

We have told you for the last time,
So, dear Bill is's up to you, 
And if you do not stop it, 
You'll have to fight us too.'

I did not listen to him,
And he's coming after me, 
With a million Yankee soldiers,
From their homes across the sea.

Now that's why I called you, Satan, 
For now I want advice from you. 
I know that you will tell me, 
Just what I ought to do." 

"My deal old Kaiser Wilhelm,
That's not much for me to tell, 
For the Yanks will make it hotter
Than I ever could in Hell.

I've been a mean old Devil, 
But not half as mean as you,
And the minute that you get here,
I'll give the job to you.

I'll be ready for your coming,
And I'll keep the fires all bright,
And I'll make your room all ready
When the Yankees start to fight.

For the boys in tan will get you,
I have nothing more to tell;
Hang up the phone and get your hat,
​And meet me here in Hell." 
Picture
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7 Comments
Gwendolyn Bielicki link
10/22/2018 02:11:57 pm

It's unnerving the first time you read it. But it definitely puts context on history.

Reply
Edy
10/22/2018 06:11:57 pm

You are absolutely right!!! Unnerving is the perfect word to describe it.

Reply
T.R.
8/30/2020 10:56:29 pm

Thank you for posting this. My grandmother recited it for me when I was little and I have been looking for the whole poem for many years and am glad to finally have it.

Reply
Katie brown
8/8/2021 10:58:22 pm

I found a notebook in my dads things with a version of this poem. He wrote this I believe. Can you share the year you think it was written? I’d like to prove this

Reply
Edy Gies
2/3/2022 04:28:41 pm

I don't know what year this is from. I found it typed out in my Great-great Aunt's collection of letters. When I looked into it, I saw that it had been published in a newspaper, but unfortunately I do not recall which one. From my observation, it appears that a number of people really liked it, but not possessing an original copy of the paper to cut it out from took the time to type or handwrite it out. This makes it hard for decedents like us to determine authorship. Good luck on your research.

Reply
Sharon Larson
5/1/2023 10:56:15 am

The poem,” says the Kaiser “was found in newspaper form from a Chicago newspaper in my attic in a house in Wanamingo Minnesota in 1990. The house was built about the time of the Civil War so there were even the discharge papers from the Civil War to the man who lived there. The poem was found by me digging through the eaves of the attic. My daughter was in school at the time and the Gulf War had just gotten into full swing. So I sent the poem to school with her citing the fact that history repeats itself… And here it was …. The part “the boys in tan will get you “,stood out to me. I don’t know if you’ll ever see this. But I enjoy what you’ve written about and who you are. I am a mother of 3 and grandmother of eight and came from a family of 13… Homeschooled my kids most of the way through and they’re all in the ministry in someway. I love the Lord, there is so much joy in learning his word and passing it on to everyone and it’s a special blessing to pass it on to our family . My three year old grandson just learned John 10:11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. We had picked up a verse of the month at church with a beautiful picture of a lamb on it… God is so good! May the Lord bless and keep you. The Lord make his face to shine upon you and give you his peace.

Reply
E Blazer
7/23/2023 05:57:45 pm

Thank you for this information. I found a copy of this poem among my father's letter in June 2023, but it was titled, "The Kaiser and the Devil". It was typed up just like the version here. At the end it says, "Written by Rose. Typewritten by Isidore Plissner. Army Building.

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    "A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one."

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